Monday Afternoon Chuckles

Courtesy of The Onion:

It's funny 'cuz it's true.

I know everyone says/believes that Disney World/Disney Parks are "for families" and are "great vacations for kids" -- and I have no doubt that they are. After all, some of my fondest childhood memories are of visiting Disney Parks with my family.

BUT.

One of the things I have most enjoyed about (excessively) visiting Disney World with my husband is the lack of child meltdowns. (And strollers. I am NOT looking forward to having to maneuver a stroller through Disney Parks. I do, however, promise not to use it as a battering ram to make my own way through the crowds.)

Now, that's not to say we don't have meltdowns of our own -- the heat and the crowd and the fatigue get to the best of us. But when my husband or I get cranky, we duck into Starbucks and get some coffee or we have a Mickey Mouse Ice Cream Bar. One of the those two things is an instant remedy.

With kids...things aren't so easy:

"According to park director Jacob Bartlett, Ordeal Kingdom’s specialized combination of features will ensure a slowly building resentment among visiting families, eventually resulting in a dramatic public outburst followed by a silent walk back to the car.

“We’ve considered every detail to ensure parents and their kids have the heated argument of a lifetime,” said Bartlett, explaining that the park was split into five themed “lands,” including Fatigue Island and Hunger Lagoon, each of which can be reached by Mickey’s Congestion Junction Railway. “Whether it’s the sheer distance between rides or the unspecified bathroom locations, every aspect of the experience is guaranteed to ratchet up the tension until you and your family are screaming at each other and saying you should never have come in the first place.”

“No trip to Disney is complete without everyone in your party losing all emotional self-control,” Bartlett continued. “And at Ordeal Kingdom, we promise that all your wildest family blowups will come to life!”"

No benches, no shade, no lockers, indecipherable maps, unmarked parking lots -- the perfect recipe for a disastrous day. Sounds delightful, doesn't it? :)

And, it wouldn't be The Onion if they didn't end with one last (grounded in truth) zinger:

"Furthermore, sources confirmed that numerous Disney characters, all from the 1985 movie The Black Cauldron, would be wandering the park for visitors to meet and take photos with."

Which...if you've ever seen Disney's animated adaptation of Lloyd Alexander's literary series, well. To say the movie was a trainwreck is actually paying it a compliment.